


nothing really matters

by mygodhatesme



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygodhatesme/pseuds/mygodhatesme
Summary: steve meets bucky at a gay club





	nothing really matters

**Author's Note:**

> this sucks but you know, I didn’t want this to be a waste of my time so I thought if I post it it wouldn’t be a waste of time so here we are
> 
> I pretty am sure you’ll hate it but if you enjoy it, let me know by commenting

Dancing, clubs, alcohol, drugs and anything Steve wanted to enjoy but never did. He was rather a guy of staying up all night reading a book in the dark at his apartment that he couldn’t call home. He used books to get away from his thoughts and his messed up life. He was an assistant at some kind of publishing company, he took the job just to be close to books and get to know the creative progress leading to publishing but he got anything but that. He decided to quit his job at 2 am of a wednesday night just after finishing his favourite book The Picture Of Dorian Gray. Whenever he went back to that book he made major decisions in his life. 

He put the book on the shelf at it’s usual spot, he got dressed. A basic navy shirt and his grey jeans. He rarely wore anything else and it basically was the summary of his whole life. He was a man of habits. He didn’t broke up with his girlfriend even though he didn’t want to be with her anymore just because he hated the fact that he wouldn’t have anyone to call or meet. The only thing he always changed was his shoes, he had a big variety of shoes and he really enjoyed shopping for shoes. But that day he didn’t want to think on what shoe to wear, he put some sneakers on and closed the door after he stepped out of the apartment. 

He didn’t know where to go but definitely knew that he needed to go out. Since he was gonna quit his job and has already broken up with his girlfriend, he decided to try things that he thought as things he will never enjoy. It was his time to lose control. As a teen he struggled with his sexuality, he had girlfriends, boyfriends but he never felt like he loved someone. He just felt the need to be with someone, it was his time acknowledge the fact that he just needs to enjoy things without any thoughts or hesitation. In his life as a bisexual male, he has never been to a gay club or a bar. He didn’t think he would meet people he would enjoy to be around in those places. He knew that there was a gay club about a few blocks away from his apartment, his ex boyfriend used to go there every now and then. The infamous “Babylon” that he always heard about but never was interested in. 

It was already late night, he never imagined he would wait to get in but he did. There was a line that wasn’t long but wasn’t short eihter. After about half an hour he got in, people with wet shirts from sweat danced like they were devil inside. ‘I will never be able to to that’ he thought to himself, he immediately moved himself to the bar. He asked for a long island iced tea, he had no idea what that was but he remembered it from his father who ordered it whenever he wanted to get drunk. ‘It must be strong’ he thought as he watched the bartender mix every single alcoholic beverage Steve knew with a bit of cola. He grabbed the big glass and started chugging it, the bartender laughed as Steve was trying so hard not to vomit at the bartender’s face. “I wouldn’t do it, if I were you” the bartender laughed before another guy asked him for a plain vodka. 

Steve started sweating, he got so wet that he felt like he was in shower and he was pretty sure he smelled so bad but it seemed like he was the only one thinking about that. His vision got blurry and his head was slightly spinning, he thought drinking would calm him down but he was so wrong. He didn’t want to dance, even more than before, so he started walking to the bathroom regretting his decision coming to the club. He opened the door, got inside. He saw the guy with an incredibly sharp jaw and the bluest eyes he’s ever seen. It was such a small place that he would be as close to kiss him in a few steps. “You look lost, want a smoke?” the guy asked the blond one with a smirk on his face. 

Steve moved himself to the sink to wash his face, he thought it would sober him a bit but again he was so wrong. He turned his wet face to the guy before he said “I don’t smoke” the guy laughed, “You should dry your face, there are paper towels there” he said as he tilted his head to right a little. Steve dried his face and sat on the ground resting his pack on the sink. “You are shitfaced” Steve was staring at his jawline as he spoke, “You have a very sharp jaw” he said. His voice was so still that you could clearly tell that he was drunk. “I get that all the time, what did you have” his head was still tilted, “A long island” the guy smiled “Just one?” he asked and Steve answered without knowing he was about to joke about how easy he got drunk. Steve nodded as he closed his eyes, “Shall I get you out before you hurt yoursef?” the guy flushed his cigarette as the words came out if his mouth. 

“Give me your hand.” he said to Steve with a smile on his face, Steve gave him his both hands and the guy got him up. He put his arm on his back as he helped Steve walk. Steve never drank so it was understandable he got drunk so easily. It hasn’t been even half an hour since he got in and he was already leaving. “Where do you live?” the guy asked Steve but he was half asleep barely able to walk. “What’s your name?” Steve asked quietly but the guy heard him anyway. “It’s Bucky” Steve laughed, “I’m Steve” he smiled. “Can you tell me where you live?” Bucky asked again, Steve stopped walking and looked at Bucky. “I live two blocks away” he said, Bucky mouthed ‘okay’ and they kept walking. Steve sometimes gave directions not to get lost and he really wanted to sleep. As they got to the building, Bucky didn’t know if he should leave him there or should put him to sleep. He decided to put him to sleep, from his perspective he seemed so nice and loveable. It was bold of him to even help him but he just felt like he needed that. 

They climbed the stairs to the third floor, Steve looked so tired. “Where are your keys?” Bucky asked, he pointed the plant beside the door. Bucky tried to get the keys while still holding Steve but it was literally impossible, so he helped him sit down and got the keys. Bucky opened the door and helped Steve get up and moved him to the bedroom. He didn’t know if he wore shoes in but he wouldn’t be able to get them off so he helped him get in the bed then took his shoes off. It was time go make a decision, should he stay or should he go. He again made a bold decision and stayed. He got to the living room where he had book shelves everywhere, Bucky started touching the book, reading the names. He sat on the couch, he really didn’t want to sleep but he had no choice. He laid down on the couch and closed his eyes, “Why did I helped him?” he whispered, he was looking for an answer but he didn’t know he already had the answer. “I usually ignore drunk people but there was something about him that made me want to help” he again whispered. 

Bucky recently grew a habit of talking to himself, he didn’t have many friends, he just had temporary ones, the ones he meets at parties and clubs just to have fun. And his only friend was his classmate from high school, Natasha. Bucky was pretty popular im high school but when he met Natasha who just moved there from Russia speaking very little English, he let go of his popularity. Natasha was important to him, his only friend, the only one who actually cared. But they never partied together. “I haven’t seen her in a while” he whispered trying to avoid thinking about why he helped Steve and why is he laying on his couch. He couldn’t escape from his thoughts about Steve. He thought of how rarely Steve drank, he didn’t know it he just assumed since he got shitfaced just by a long island iced tea. He could bet his life on him not even trying any drugs, he also could bet that it was his first time at a gay club maybe even first time in a club. Steve was different from everyone he met, he thought “Maybe that was why” and he was satisfied by that answer. 

Bucky couldn’t fall asleep, as the hours past he started thinking about how good looking Steve was. Blond hair, eyes that shined like a star. He wasn’t thin but he wasn’t thick eihter, he was just in the middle. Bucky wondered what does he do for a living, what does he like to do in his spare time. Then he answered himself as he saw the books in the shelves. He was a reader, maybe a writer. Bucky wasn’t really into reading, he would rather watching a film than reading a book. But writing was something he was into, at a time when he was very passionate about films he was writing screenplays. Usually short films that he never got to film, he then grew out of it when the booze and partying took it’s place. He worked in a cafe as a barista and he hated it, but he needed to gain money to spend them on booze. He liked to get drunk, to runaway from everything he hates in his life. “I guess books for him is just like what booze is for me” he thought while he opened his eyes.

Steve’s face came was all he can see with his eyes closed. “Do I have feelings for a guy I met when we were both drunk?” he asked himself, as his whisper filled the quiet room with a little bit of noise. “I don’t even know what he’s like drunk or sober” his thoughts were confusing him. Bucky knew Steve was different than him but he had no idea how or why he was different. He wanted to find out but he hated commitment. “I should call Natasha, ask for her opinion” he whispered again, but he didn’t want to make a noise and surely didn’t want to leave. He heard a noise from the other room, he guess Steve was awake. He got up, he looked outside the window. It was already morning, he guess he slept between the moments he was thinking. 

He moved himself to the bedroom. Steve was still in bed, trying to understand things. “Bucky, right?” Steve asked as he saw the brunette walking in. Bucky nodded, “Why didn’t you go home after putting me in bed?” he asked to Bucky. He literally had no answer, he had to think of something immediately. “I wanted your number and you were too drunk to remember it so I stayed so I can get your number in the morning.” Bucky hated himself when he realised what he said. “I really don’t want a relationship. I just got out of one and I went to the club just to try something that I haven’t done, you are good looking and you are probably kind and loving and you it was good of you for not taking advantage of my drunken self but I really can’t” Steve said in one breath. Bucky didn’t expect that, he thought Steve would be down for a date, but guess he was wrong. “I’m sorry for staying over, I guess I won’t see you again but thanks for calling me kind and loving. Wish I could prove that properly because I believe you can’t say that from meeting me while you were drunk.” this conversation was getting weirder each word and Bucky wanted to get out of it. Steve actually would love to get to know Bucky and maybe go on a date and even better be his boyfriend but he wasn’t ready for a change, not at that moment at least. He wasn’t gonna quit his job, maybe he’ll go to a gay club again and maybe he’ll see Bucky again. Bucky left the house without saying another word. 

“I guess I should continue having someone new every night” Bucky said to himself, he wouldn’t think that Steve could decline him. He assumed things about him and said that on his assumptions. He was damn wrong. Steve regretted declining though but he didn’t want to go after him because he knew he still wasn’t ready for change. Steve made himself believe it was a right choice he made. And Bucky knew he wouldn’t mind being declined when he founds a new person. It was a journey for both of them that made them understand where they are at life. Steve thought he could change but realised he wasn’t ready. Bucky got to know that you can’t rely on assumptions especially if you have no idea who they are. No it wasn’t a moving experiance and it was something that they will forget in a month or so. But it definitely did changed something in that moment.


End file.
